Who Said What
Road Rules 4: Who Said What:
Program One: FIRST IMPRESSIONS
"I'm just a wide-eyed punk!" - Jake -- to Vince
"I feel like I'm being born right now!" - Oscar -- on the beginning of the ROAD RULES journey
"I threw up out of my nose last night." - Kalle -- on sleeping in the Winnie
"If it's not my driving, it's my genitalia size!" - Vince -- on criticism from his road-mates
"My butt is too big for this pants!" - Erika -- imitating Oscar as he complains about borrowed pants
Program Two: CLOSE QUARTERS
"There's water in my a**!" - Jake -- worried that his Coast Guard diving suit is leaking
"Apart from the puking it was great." - Oscar -- on the Coast Guard mission
"How tired do you have to be to stay asleep with a dog sleeping on your a**?!" - Vince -- noticing a dog curling up on Oscar's butt
"You have peanut breath." - Kalle -- to Jake
"I can be a bitch - how many times do you want me to say it!" - Erika -- to Oscar, their first fight
Program Three: NUDE AND LEWD
"When I first found out about sex I was nauseated." - Vince
"I thought oral sex meant you just said the word 'sex'." - Jake
"His detachable penis." - Kalle -- revealing what Vince keeps in his fanny-pack
"We're off like panties on prom night!" -Erika -- starting up the Winnie
"We saw an old lady with her things hanging around" - Oscar -- describing his first visit to a nude beach
Program Four: LAUGH OR DIE
"You would rather show your balls than your ass!" - Vince -- as Jake contemplates appearing naked at the comedy club
"I'm going to put my penis in a baloon as my act.." -Jake -- preparing for the Comedy Mission
"Cooked." - Oscar -- responding to the waiter's question, 'how do you want your steak?'
"We got a little bologna in the fridge and we're on our way!" - Kalle -- starting up the Winnie
"Kalle and I are now dating - it's gay ROAD RULES." - Erika -- joking on a payphone with her boyfriend Stephen
Program Five: CAN KALLE AND JAKE WING WALK?
"I'm the kind of person that feels like I want to do everything; I'm really indecisive about things. Every once in a while there's something that I will feel so strongly about, that I will just go for... I just think it would feel good to have one passion." --Kalle
"It's safe to say that I, I have a little crush on Kalle. But she knows how I feel about her, she knows
that I like her alot. But she doesn't know exactly what she wants." --Jake
"It's like I won this huge victory. This is something that I am so into and that I really want to do." --Kalle
"Right now it's a toss up between Oscar and Kalle to do the wing walking. I don't think he has it in him to do it, but I know she does." --Jake
Program Six: WHAT YOU DIDN'T HEAR
"Have you seen your belly in a mirror? You should be doing this instead of me." - Oscar -- to a pedi cab customer
"I wanted the shot in may a**, but she did it in my arm. She didn't want to see my a**."- Jake -- on the nurse conducting his physical
"I'm getting vibrated." - Erika -- discovering her pager
"I'm up for getting my room and just hiding in the closet with a knife all night." - Vince -- on the haunted youth hostel
"All Oscar brought on this trip is a T-shirt, a fanny pack, and twenty Puerto Rican flags." - Kalle -- on her favorite road-mate
Program Seven: Examples of: MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU NEED
"I always sleep in these cause if you sleep in boxers, you could wake up with the morning wood sticking out the pee hole." - Jake -- on his sweat pants
"What'd'ya bet we come back in two minutes and Otto's in a thong on the lawn?" - Vince -- on the bee keeper
"I read Lord of the Flies once, and I'm afraid the island will end up in flames and all of us will be running around in our underwear, beating on each other. And I hate to say it, but Oscar will probably be the first one to go." - Jake -- on their trip to a deserted island
"I swam through Oscar's pee while scuba diving, and I was so cold that I was glad." - Kalle -- on Oscar's gift to her
"I could earn a nun certificate on this trip." - Erika -- on the loneliness of the road
"You don't know what you're missing, that wet sensation when you wake up in the morning." -Oscar -- to Jake on wet dreams
Program Eight: WHAT YOU DIDN'T HEAR
"That's the capital and the tit-like structure is called a garitas." - Oscar -- playing Puerto Rican tour guide
"What are the odds we go home and find Erika and Vince rocking out in the shower?" - Jake
"I do not want to meet Monty!" - Erika -- as Jake grabs her hand and moves it towards his groin
"This guy at the bar said he watched us on the deserted island through his telescope!" - Kalle -- on the mysterious voyeur
"Kalle was launched!" - Vince -- as Kalle is thrown from her seat during Oscar's off-roading
Program Nine: BLOOD, SWEAT, AND BROKEN BONES
"The doorknob went in my a** -- I just lost my virginity to a door knob!" Vince -- after Jake uses him as a battering ram
"If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" - Erika -- just before her pendulum jump
"This is usually straight." - Oscar -- showing off his newly broken toe
"I wish I had a menstrual cycle." - Jake -- to Kalle
"You act like you have one." - Kalle -- to Jake
Program Ten: FLOATING ON THIN FROSTING
"Wake me if I fly out of the boat." - Vince -- to the captain of the Lady Jane
"People in Martinique made me feel good about body odor." - Jake
"You cannot drink Boones Farm at a wedding!" - Kalle -- imitating Erika
"You crazy Puerto Rican!" - Erika -- to Oscar as he dives into the pool with his broken toe
"The boat is ejaculating!" - Oscar -- watching the bilge pump spit foam onto the deck
Program Eleven: BATTLE OF THE SEXES
"I love my dog, but sometimes I feel I'm not getting it back." - Jake -- broadcasting live from the radio station
"Life would be fair if you had a set of teeth in your vagina." - Erika -- on equality
"I just can't hold them!" - Kalle -- on passing gas
"I feel like a used rubber." -Vince -- on exhaustion
"I won't squeeze your nipples because I know that's pleasure for you." - Oscar -- to Jake
Program Twelve: WIGGLE AND SNIVEL
"I'm just not a real hip wiggler." - Kalle -- to the Knicks dance instructor
"I need to get these pants to a level where it looks like I once had an ass maybe." -Jake -- to Oscar while checking his look in a mirror
"I'm sitting in the ozone layer." - Vince -- commenting on his seat assignment for the Knicks game
"Nobody here made a two hundred and eighty dollar phone call!" - Erika -- growing angry as she examines the hotel phone bill
"I did." - Oscar -- Oscar confessing to Erika
Program Thirteen: SO SO SOAPY
"You must keep in mind that your character's mother is a midget." - Jake -- giving Kalle motivational acting tips
"Are people who request pictures just looking for something to masturbate to?" - Kalle -- asking Kelly about her fan mail
"Should we do the sex scene now?" - Oscar -- to Jake after they rehearse their lines for the audition
"Since I've been gone, my mom has probably redecorated my room, signed me up for college, and
scheduled me for a sex change operation." - Vince -- to cast-mates
"I am not a waitress -- I'm a food server." -Erika -- commenting on her role in All My Children
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